Cold hands, warm shart.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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