i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
