Will you blow on my dice?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
