Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
