Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
