Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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