if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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