I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
