There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
