he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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