Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
