can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So squirting runs in the family.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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