Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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