Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
