Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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