Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
