Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
