I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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