OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
