Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
