Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
