I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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