I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
