Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
