You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Randomize
