Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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