why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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