I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
