I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
