this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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