This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
