apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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