She just used a chaser for red wine.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
