i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
