her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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