Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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