Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Randomize
