I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
