Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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