Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
