and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
