My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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