If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
