I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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