I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
