I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
