I wish I could punch you in the face.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
