Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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