my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
