Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
