guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
