we should wear snuggies to the strip club
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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