We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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