Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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