Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
