She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
