I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
