So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
