Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize