1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
