I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
