I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
