At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize