I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize