There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
True strength comes from lack of pants
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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