Do you still have your period?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
