I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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