Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Houston, we have a squirter
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
