i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
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