Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
