his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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