my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
