Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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