This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize