I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
