I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
