so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Please, let me fuck your mom
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
