I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Randomize