i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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