Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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