you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
