I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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