I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
