First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
