Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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