The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
