walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
