it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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