Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
