So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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