i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
