trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
