She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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