You're completely useless in the revolution.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
