wrigley field is MILF paradise
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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