just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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