if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize