i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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