How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
