worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
