Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
