mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If that was your dad, he is hot
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I will pee on everything he values.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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