i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
sarcasm needs its own font
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
