Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
