So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize