Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize