went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
