Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
