dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
