why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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