So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
