And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
