we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
