talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
